Monday, November 5, 2012

In Which I Realize My Progress has been an Illusion

Dear World:

The process is this:  I think I've made progress.  I pat myself on the back and drink some celebratory tea.  I dare the world to bring on the next challenge.  I believe myself stronger.

And then it gets very firmly re-established that my progress, if any, has been illusory at best.  If blame needs to be apportioned and noone else is willing to take it upon their shoulders, I step up and lift (with my back, because I can't even do this right).  If someone speaks loudly to me, my hands shake and my brain scatters to the four corners of the room.  If personal defense is necessary, I step to the side and all their words through my defenses.

Damnitall.  When will I learn?

Sincerely,

Me.